Both sides of the story
by candidata
Summary: Gil Grissom ruins the best thing that ever happened to him before he even had a chance to enjoy it. Catherine Willows finally allows herself to love again only to have her heart broken into a million pieces. Angst, romance and drama  GCR
1. I Have Nothing Gil

Disclaimer: Don't own them just borrowing

Rating: CSI 1

Spoilers: None

Author's Notes: I felt like writing this very angsty story, seen from two different perspectives– if you like it I'll probably continue it. Please review if you feel like it!

Summary: "Don't make me close one more door, I don't wanna hurt anymore.Stay in my arms if you dare or must I imagine you there. Don't walk away from me no, don't you dare walk away from me. I have nothing, if I don't have you."

I Have Nothing Gil Grissom 1/2

Share my life; take me for what I am

Coz I'll never change all my colours for you

Take my love, I'll never ask for too much

Just all that you are and everything that you do

All he could think of was her. How everything he did, said or heard somehow brought him back to last night. When she walked out his arms through the open door and into the darkness and pouring rain, he felt his heart shatter and break into a million pieces. Thinking back he felt it break all over again.

I don't really need to look very much further

I don't want to have to go where you don't follow

I won't hold it back again, this passion inside

Can't run from myself

There's nowhere to hide

He had stood there in the foyer of his town house for what felt like hours feeling totally numb. Then he slowly reached out and closed the door. He didn't remember how he slid to the floor, all he knew was that he woke up the hardwood floor in the middle of the night reaching out for her to find that he was alone.

Well, don't make me close one more door

I don't wanna hurt anymore

Stay in my arms if you dare

Or must I imagine you there

Don't walk away from me...

I have nothing, nothing, nothing

If I don't have you, you, you, you, you, you...

Now he stood in his office. He somehow made it into work. A tiny part of his heart hoping it was not to late to apologize. He had to get her back, the thought of him ruining the best thing that ever happened to him made it hard to breathe.

You see through, right to the heart of me

You break down my walls with the strength of your love mmmmm...

I never knew love like I've known it with you

Will a memory survive, one I can hold on to

Then he heard her voice. It was subtle and the lively vibrant signature laugh was nowhere to be heard.

"I'm fine" he heard her snap at someone and then a softer:

"Just had a rough night".

He rose from his chair and walked towards the door. He wanted to run to the hallway and pull her into his arms but he knew he had to keep his distance. She had the upper hand in this now all he could hope for was that she could somehow find it in her heart to give him a second chance.

I don't really need to look very much further

I don't want to have to go where you don't follow

I won't hold it back again, this passion inside

I can't run from myself

There's nowhere to hide

Your love I'll remember, forever

He held his breath as he heard her approaching. And his heart almost stopped beating when he heard her pass his office door. It was over, they were over and he was over. He sat down on the couch and put his head in his hands but pulled back and stared at his hands. He reached up and was surprised when he felt his cheeks were wet from the tears he hadn't realized were falling.

Don't make me close one more door

I don't wanna hurt anymore

Stay in my arms if you dare

Or must I imagine you there

Don't walk away from me...

I have nothing, nothing, nothing...

Suddenly he stood up and walked to the door, he tore it open. He had to find her and convince her it was all a big fat mistake. He needed her, no, loved her too much to go on without her. He saw how Nick and Warrick looked up to recognize him as he brushed past them so fast he didn't register the shock on their faces from seeing him cry.

He reached the locker room. The door was closed but he could hear her sobbing quietly behind it. He took a deep breath and reached for the doorknob. The door opened and blue met crystal blue as their eyes locked.

"Would it matter if I told you I loved you?"

Well, don't make me close one more door

I don't wanna hurt anymore

Stay in my arms if you dare

Or must I imagine you there

Don't walk away from me no...

Don't walk away from me

Don't you dare walk away from me

I have nothing, nothing, nothing

If I don't have you, you

Ooohhh,ooooh

if I don't have you,oohh...


	2. Catherine Willows

Disclaimer: Don't own them just borrowing

Rating: CSI 1

Spoilers: None

Author's Notes: I felt like writing this very angsty story, seen from two different perspectives– if you like it I'll probably continue it.

Summary: "Don't make me close one more door, I don't wanna hurt anymore. Stay in my arms if you dare or must I imagine you there. Don't walk away from me no, don't you dare walk away from me. I have nothing, if I don't have you."

I Have Nothing Catherine Willows 2/2

Share my life; take me for what I am

Coz I'll never change all my colours for you

Take my love, I'll never ask for too much

Just all that you are and everything that you do

She reached over and wiped the steam away from her bathroom mirror. Her eyes focused in on what she saw. Starring back at her she saw nothing. Every emotion possible was racing though her veins psychically making her feel sick every time she moved, but no one would ever know from looking at her face. It was totally without any emotion.

I don't really need to look very much further

I don't want to have to go where you don't follow

I won't hold it back again, this passion inside

Can't run from myself

There's nowhere to hide

It had taken all the strength in the world to pull out of his arms last night but all she could think of was how deeply he had hurt her. She remembered how the cold rain had left her feeling completely numb but how she got from his house and to her own bed she'd never know.

Usually Lindsey would sense something was wrong, she would hear her crying, but this time all she could do was close her eyes and let the darkness sleep provided take away the excruciating emotional stabs of pain she was feeling. Just before she felt sleep overtake her she wondered if all the pain Eddie had ever caused her put together even measured up to a second of the pain she was feeling now.

Well, don't make me close one more door

I don't wanna hurt anymore

Stay in my arms if you dare

Or must I imagine you there

Don't walk away from me...

I have nothing, nothing, nothing

If I don't have you, you, you, you, you, you...

Walking into the lab she knew she had to face him eventually, but with every step her stomach turned. She saw Greg coming towards her and gave him a small smile but saw the playfulness in his eyes turn to deep worry as her eyes met his.

"I'm fine" she snapped at him a lot harder than she had intended but she felt her sanity slowly seeping away, she knew it had been a mistake to go to the lab.

"Just had a rough night" she offered in a softer tone before leaving Greg to wonder why his normally happy and cheerful co-worker looked like the world had just ended and she had been left behind.

You see through, right to the heart of me

You break down my walls with the strength of your love mmmmm...

I never knew love like I've known it with you

Will a memory survive, one I can hold on to

It took every last fiber in her body to keep walking when she came to his office door. She missed his touch, his kisses, his arms, his hands, his eyes, the way he held her, the way he brushed a stray hair out of her eye... she missed everything about him, and if she had to face him now she would probably not be able to keep breathing. She felt her knees grow weak and her leg softly begin to give, but she willed herself to keep walking. She told herself she had to make it to the locker room.

I don't really need to look very much further

I don't want to have to go where you don't follow

I won't hold it back again, this passion inside

I can't run from myself

There's nowhere to hide

Your love I'll remember, forever

Once inside the room she carefully closed the door. Then she reached inside her purse for the cardigan she had brought. But she didn't put it on she simply lifted it to her face and buried her mouth in it as the first sob wrecked through her body. She limped to the bench and sat down halfway hugging herself in the process.

Don't make me close one more door

I don't wanna hurt anymore

Stay in my arms if you dare

Or must I imagine you there

Don't walk away from me...

I have nothing, nothing, nothing...

Her head slowly rose when she heard the door opening. Her eyes locked with his, her emotions hitting her with full force, all shining through in her eyes. The emotions she knew he saw there were mirrored in his eyes as well.

When she heard him begin to speak her heart broke all over again.

"Would it matter if I told you I loved you?"

Well, don't make me close one more door

I don't wanna hurt anymore

Stay in my arms if you dare

Or must I imagine you there

Don't walk away from me no...

Don't walk away from me

Don't you dare walk away from me

I have nothing, nothing, nothing

If I don't have you, you

Ooohhh,ooooh

If I don't have you, oohh..


	3. Breathe In Gil

Breathe In Gil Grissom

He saw tears rolling down her cheeks and cursed himself for causing them. He watched as she slowly rose and walked towards him. Her head down, the only sound in the room being his own heavy breathing. She was almost past him when he instinctively reached out and suddenly pulled her into his arms. He felt her struggle against him but only tightened his hold.

"I feel like I'm dragging you down a one-way street

I don't know which ways up

All I ask of you is to stay on your feet

That should be enough

If we stand around it could pass us by

We could give up now, and never even try"

"Please, Catherine give me a chance to explain" he whispered while placing two fingers underneath her chin and tilting her face up to his. He saw how her eyes refused to meet his and let in a loud sigh. Then their eyes locked and he saw how her eyes softened slightly as she reached up to brush away the tears that fell from his eyes. He held his breath. But then he felt her whole body tense up and pull away. Before he knew it she had left him standing in the locker room. Alone again.

"To breathe in life and breathe out

Like tomorrow is today

Breathe in life and breathe out

It's not so long to wait

Breathe in life and breathe out

Wipe the dust from your sweet smile

An breathe in life"

He slowly walked back to his office not acknowledging any of the worried looks he got from his co-workers. When he reached his office he closed the door and sat down behind his desk. He felt like he was out of breath, like life was slowly slipping from his body, like he had lost his mind. He buried his face in his hands and tried to calm himself down. He heard the door open but didn't look up. 

"Would you just pull yourself together and go after her," Brass said. 

Grissom looked at his friend and shook his head.

"It's too late, she already left," he whispered.

"Grissom she is sitting in her car right now crying her heart out. I don't know what you did, but you'd better make it right and soon. You'll never find anyone like her. Seriously, we're all surprised she decided you were the one and only in the first place," Brass scrolled Grissom.

"I just want something real I can hold onto

I believe it's near

Life's too short to know the truth

Maybe it's already hear

We could throw ourselves into the fire

We could give up now and never even try"

Grissom knew he was right. He took a deep breath and rose. Walking slowly at first, but then picking up the pace before he burst through the front door of the lab running towards her car. He could see her, leaning in over the steering wheel her entire body shaking as she cried.

"We're chasing something we've dreamed of

Is not always out of reach

It's never far away from us

'Cause I believe that"

He yanked the door open and pulled her out into his arms.

"Jesus, Gil, you scared me, let me down or else..." her last angry words drowned when his lips crashed down on hers. He felt her struggle against him but he wouldn't let her go. As their tongues battled for control, he heard her strangled moan and felt how warmth and life slowly returning to his veins.

"To breathe in life and breathe out

Like tomorrow is today

Breathe in life and breathe out

It's not so long to wait

Breathe in life and breathe out

Wipe the dust from your sweet smile

An breathe in life"


	4. Breathe In Catherine

Breathe In Catherine Willows

She felt her heart stop for a moment when he opened the door. She didn't bother hiding the fact that she was crying as she stood to leave. She fully intended to leave and go home but when he reached out for her she couldn't bring herself to pull away. She struggled against him for a second but had to admit she yearned so much for his touch that she let him hold her.

"I feel like I'm dragging you down a one-way street

I don't know which ways up

All I ask of you is to stay on your feet

That should be enough

If we stand around it could pass us by

We could give up now, and never even try"

"Please, Catherine give me a chance to explain"

She let herself lean in for a minute. Relishing in feeling. She felt him tilt her head up to his. She was afraid to look at him; scared she'd never be able to leave if she did. The sound of his heartbreaking sigh made her look at him. Surprise and shock registering in her eyes as she saw tears rolling down his cheeks. She reached for him to wipe the tears away but suddenly had to pull away, she felt like she had been burned. She had to get away before she'd forgive him for everything just to stay in his arms like this. 

"To breathe in life and breathe out

Like tomorrow is today

Breathe in life and breathe out

It's not so long to wait

Breathe in life and breathe out

Wipe the dust from your sweet smile

An breathe in life"

She ran down the hallways to the front door and pulled it open. She tumbled out into the darkness and almost collapsed. She took several deep breaths feeling like she was refilling her entire body with oxygen.

"I just want something real I can hold onto

I believe it's near

Life's too short to know the truth

Maybe it's already hear

We could throw ourselves into the fire

We could give up now and never even try"

She reached her car and frantically searched for her car keys. She pulled them from her purse spilling most of the other content on the passenger seat. She fumbled to get the car started but her hands were shaking so much she had to give up.

Instead she felt herself slump down on the steering wheel and began sobbing.

"We're chasing something we've dreamed of

Is not always out of reach

It's never far away from us

'Cause I believe that"

Suddenly her car door was yanked open and someone pulled her out and into his arms. She struggled against him but her strength was gone and anger replaced her force.

"Jesus, Gil, you scared me, let me down or else..." his lips found hers in a frantic movement. She felt his tongue demand access to her mouth. She couldn't believe she was kissing him back, but nothing on earth could have stopped her at this moment. She moaned and felt herself go dizzy from the lack of air and the absurdity of the situation. But deep down she felt the shattered pieces of her heart slowly coming back together.

"To breathe in life and breathe out

Like tomorrow is today

Breathe in life and breathe out

It's not so long to wait

Breathe in life and breathe out

Wipe the dust from your sweet smile

An breathe in life"


	5. The Second You Sleep Gil

Disclaimer: Don't own them just borrowing

Rating: CSI 1

Spoilers: None

Author's Notes: I felt like writing this very angsty story, seen from two different perspectives– if you like it I'll probably continue it. Please review if you feel like it!

Summary: "Don't make me close one more door, I don't wanna hurt anymore. Stay in my arms if you dare or must I imagine you there. Don't walk away from me no, don't you dare walk away from me. I have nothing, if I don't have you."

The Second You Sleep Gil Grissom 1/2

There in the middle of the parking lot outside the lab, he felt himself go lightheaded from the kissing. When he drew back the pure and honest look in her eyes took him right back to that night almost 15 years ago. That one perfect night, where they had allowed their attraction to become more than merely a state of mind.

15 years before:

He held her as she cried. Gently brushed her hair away from her face instantly regretting it as he heard her wince, when he came into contact with the purple and yellowish bruise on her cheek. At that moment all he wanted to do to find Eddie and kill him with his own bare hands. He quickly withdrew but felt her tighten her grip on him.

"Don't let me go," she whispered in a shaky voice and tucked her head under his chin. 

"Cath, please let me take you to the ER," he could hear the desperation in his own voice. But when he heard her answer all logic went out the window.

"Can't you just kiss it better?" her voice suddenly low and sultry.

He felt her reach up and pull his head down to hers. Her lips softly and tentatively came in contact with his.

"Make it all go away," was the last thing he heard from her, before he pulled her with him onto the bed. He completely ignored all the alarm bells that went off in his head all at once, screaming at him, that this was wrong, that he was hurting not only her but also himself immensely with this. All he could feel was her now frantic movements beneath him as they both shed the clothes covering their bodies.

He felt tears threaten to fall as they became one. The very content sounds coming from Catherine shooting straight to his heart. He cradled her face in his hands bringing their lips into full contact as he brought them both over the edge.

"Oh God," he heard her whisper in between ragged breaths. Their eyes locked and he saw something he could only describe as utter amazement and pure love shine from her eyes.

He refused to sleep. He knew that when they woke up they'd have to deal with the consequences of their actions, so he willed himself to stay awake, watching her in his arms. His eyes drank in the sight of her, naked wrapped in a crisp white sheet, her soft curls falling softly around her face. Both her hands wrapped securely around one of his, her head resting on his arm. His fingers softly ran down her left arm and he felt stir slightly before she snuggled closer into him.

"I think I love you," he heard her sigh happily just before he surrendered to the soft darkness sleep provided feeling his heart break, knowing she wouldn't stay in his arms forever. The next morning he woke up alone. No note, only the sweet smell of her on his sheets.


	6. The Second You Sleep Catherine

Disclaimer: Don't own them just borrowing

Rating: CSI 1

Spoilers: None

Author's Notes: I felt like writing this very angsty story, seen from two different perspectives– if you like it I'll probably continue it. Please review if you feel like it!

Summary: "Don't make me close one more door, I don't wanna hurt anymore. Stay in my arms if you dare or must I imagine you there. Don't walk away from me no, don't you dare walk away from me. I have nothing, if I don't have you."

The Second You Sleep Catherine Willows 1/2

She felt herself grow dizzy from the kisses. When he drew back to take a breath she opened her eyes and felt herself fall in love with him all over again. A feeling so strong that it reminded her of that one perfect night, almost 15 years ago. The night she had decided to throw away all logic to and listen to her aching heart.

"You close your eyes

And leave me naked by your side

You close the door so I can't see

The love you keep inside

The love you keep for me"

15 years before:

She had come to him in the middle of the night. Crying and looking like a mess. Her clothes were torn and she knew a big purple and yellowish bruise was probably already forming on her cheek. The moment the door opened she felt herself gently being lifted into his arms as he carried her to his bedroom before sitting down on the bed still holding her. She couldn't stop crying. A piercing pain shot through her as he came in contact with her cheek. He withdrew like he had been burned. She felt her heart tighten, and held even harder on to him.

"Don't let me go," she heard herself whisper, as she slowly began to relax in his arms, allowing herself to cherish the close contact, knowing he would never ever hurt her like Eddie had.

"Cath, please let me take you to the ER," she smiled a little, he was always looking out for her, but she knew she had to go back to Eddie. She tried to brace herself to the inevitable departure, but knew she needed more, more from him, more for her own sake. She needed him to make her feel alive.

"Can't you just kiss it better?" she breathed, her voice suddenly low and sultry.

It fills me up

"It feels like living in a dream

It fills me up so I can't see

The love you keep inside

The love you keep for me"

Everything was suddenly clear to her. She would do this, one night only. Ignoring how badly it would hurt later, how wrong this was since she was still married, knowing that it would only heal her pain momentarily she just needed one night in his arms. She kissed him as innocently as a teenager kisses her first boyfriend while she contemplated her next move, but when she passion flair inside her like fireworks she quickly decided to let logic be logic and love to be love. 

"Make it all go away,"

As they both fumbled to get rid of their clothing she realized how long she had ached for this. She heard herself cry out as he filled her in one slow move. Her arms clawing at his back, as if she couldn't get close enough to him. He made every fiber in her body come alive. With Eddie it was usually fast, rough and without any real emotion, just to pass time really. However, this was everything the other wasn't. She felt herself being pushed over the edge in a sudden explosion of warmth, him following her as they tumbled into ecstasy.

"Oh God," was all she could say, as she tried to calm her breathing. She knew in her heart that only had they made love; she had to admit she had truly fallen in love. Something that had happened long before this, and would probably go on long after this as well, she sadly concluded.

"I stay

To watch you fade away

I dream of you tonight

Tomorrow you'll be gone

It gives me time to stay

To watch you fade away

I dream of you tonight

Tomorrow you'll be gone

I wish by God you'd stay

I stay awake

I stay awake and watch you breathe

I stay awake and watch you fly

Away into the night

Escaping through a dream"

She felt herself drift off. She hadn't slept for almost 24 hours and needed the sleep. Finally feeling secure in someone's arms, she tried to fight the sleep that was quickly catching in on her. His arms and body kept her warm and made her feel safe, but she never liked sleeping totally in the nude without any cover, so she reached for the sheet and drew it lightly over her.

She was almost asleep when she felt his fingers like soft feathers on her arm. She smiled as she fell asleep, letting when she felt at that moment slip over her lips.

"I think I love you,"

"I stay

To watch you fade away

I dream of you tonight

Tomorrow you'll be gone

It gives me time to stay

To watch you fade away

I dream of you tonight

Tomorrow you'll be gone

It gives me time to stay

To watch you fade away

I dream of you tonight

Tomorrow you'll be gone

I wish by God you'd stay"

Hours later she woke, for a moment not knowing where she was. She turned and found herself facing to face with his chest. It rose and fell steadily, reassuring her that he was sleeping. She slipped out of his arms and gathered her clothes in her arms before taking a last look at him. 

Her mind screaming at her this should only to be a one-time thing; her heart breaking into a million pieces realizing it probably would be as well.

"Stay awake

Stay

Stay

I wish by God you'd stay"


End file.
